Nothing's wrong with dreaming

FRIENDS ONLY. I'm sorry about this, but I don't feel like sharing all of my lovely secrets so happily. Okay, not secret but my... personal life. Enjoy all the old posts : D

And you know, feel free to add me, I don't bite and I'm very open minded, so no worries :)

So yes, here we go.

You know, don't people usually like to stay in when it rains like in shower and it's windy and cold and dark?
Well, I went for a walk today with our big, black, lovely dog and actually enjoyed it. I was soaking wet when I came home, my hair was dripping water and my hands and face were icy and I actually enjoyed it.
Rain is good. Try it, it relaxes strangely.

Sleep now, I'll update tomorrow and tell a bit more about my week.

(2 weeks and 1 day to go 'till seeing my giiirls♥)

Umm, yeah.

I'm tired as hell, and it seems like there's not enough hours so I could do all I need to and get some sleep also. I'm so tired, really, I'm sleeping the next weekend through.

I've had quite good last few days actually. I've laughed and all the people have been very nice to me. I'm missing my girls like a crazy, only 2 weeks and 2 days to go! ♥ Love you all. I'm so excited meeting them all again, going to be the best birthday party ever :) PARTY PARTY ALL NIGHT YOU KNOW!

I've been riding quite often lately, I've spend a lot of time with my horse lately. It's great you know, only one here who's not asking stupid, annoying questions all the time and just... ANNOYING ME! My mum, my brothers, my dad, my relatives... My love life isn't their business. I enjoy my time very well without your questions.

And Elliot Minor - I don't really like the fact your not gonna play here 15th December. I REALLY DON'T.

OMG OH MY LORD ASÖLKAÖIURGKMVPSÅTKJGSÖ.

McFLY's Winner  takes it all -cover OWNS MY HEART. Omg that's so beautiful oh my.
Took my heart.

THAT'S SO AMAZING.

Oh my, I have to admit. I have no other life than LJ.
Well, this is short.

I did not see any dreams last night, I didn't wake up a single time. But well, I had a bloody bad headache when I woke up. Layed in the bed for over half and hour listening to McFLY's Corrupted and Point of view. Ah, I have enjoyed their music lately so much.
And now for last two hours I've been listening to Everybody knows, One for the radio and Lies. Especially Lies is making me feel so good, it's almost sick. It makes me feel so... Strong. Yeah, I know, it probably sounds just very wierd and stupid, but I can't help it. It's like somebody would've given me all the pride and power which I have lost during last couple weeks. (Even though it's funny to listen that song, because I occasionally hear the part "Who gets the last, who gets the last, who gets the last laugh now?" as "Who gets the lads, who gets the lads, who get the last lads now?" )
McFLY is really my savior, they are my true love. They totally made my day today, they are quite mind blowing. I can't think anything else when I'm listening to them.

Gah, I should probably go.

You can't believe what happened.

I had dentist yesterday, and it was totally fine until midnight. Few of my tooth started to ache so bad, I couldn't sleep and I had to take quite strong painkillers. I slept three hours, and woke up again; the pain worse than it was earlier, even I had taken those painkillers. I tried to sleep, I tried not to think of the pain, but it was worse all the time, and soon I noticed I had started sweating, and it didn't take long until my whole body was cramping because of that pain. I had to wake up my mum so we could leave to hospital, and I can say I have never cried as much as I did today in the early morning. It was half past 5 when we got there, and they gave me two quite strong painkillers, which made me dizzy and feel a little bit funny... Or well, that's what I thought until my doctor called me into his room! I stood up, walked towards him and when I noticed how fascinating looking he was, I almost collapsed in front of him. DR. CARLISLE CULLEN 2. He was blonde, musculary and smiling, and had dark shadows under his eyes. Yes, I have been reading Twilight lately, but he was really like Dr. Cullen, just maybe a few years older. Can tell you, he made me smile, even I still had some pain there left. I almost fainted on his office's floor. Oops. Yeah, strong two strong painkillers and freaking hot doctor did their job, but he just smiled and told me he would write me a receipt for more strong painkillers and if I would have feaver or the painkillers would not work like we hoped, I should come again or call my dentist to get different kind of medicine. He was like a total angel, my legs are still like jelly : D It was fun though I had like the worst pain ever.

But now I have to get some sleep, I have slept like 3 hours or something like that. I just had to tell you I met Dr. Carlisle Cullen 2!

Really people, fuck alcohol. Don't ever drink like I did yesterday, I should never do that again. Oh fucking shit yesterday was fail.

My friend had his birthday and we went to visit him. It was very fine and nice until they told me to get a glass and take some punch they had made. Well, it was the worse decision I have ever made, oh my god. I was so drunk, it was... Well, quite disgusting, because I started throwing up after 6 glasses. FAIL. Like, totally. In the end of the evening I was sitting on my friends lap and he was stroking my back and watching I was okay. I have never been that bad, it was totally fail and I will not drink any alcohol in ages, and I won't drink it like I did, I had like 4 glasses of punch in one hour. Fucking disaster.
Really, I'm like the most stupid person on the earth. I'll never, ever do that again.

Thank god I will meet Juuso today. It better not be raining in the evening, I wanna watch some football and talk with him.

For fuck's sake, this day has sucked straight from 0000. I went to bed and when was the last time I watched the clock? 0038.
And when I woke up? 0630, and I still had fucking half an hour for sleeping and I could not sleep! And Now I should leave to school and I have joghurt everywhere. This sucks.

Okay, Jurassic Rock was like the most fun thing this summer.

On friday I mostly hanged out with Juuso and his friends. I had great time with them, they made me laugh and joked a lot. I had very fun and Disco Ensemble did an amazing gig there ! I had hell a lot of fun, dancing and watching DE having fun on the stage. We had fun and my clothes and shoes stayed dry, even though it was raining so much, the whole festival area was just wet grass, mud and water. FUN :-D
In the evening I met two quite awesome guys, who I talked with for a while, but I had to leave so it stayed quite short.

Saturday was like the most awesome day ever. I met those guys again, and stayed in a some kind of paviljon for like 6 hours, just talking. Both of the guys were turning 21 this year; they barely believed that I was only 15, turning to 16 this year, have no idea why. They told me I didn't act like other my age people and I was really a girl who they can talk with. Even the Joonas' girlfriend thought I was older than I am, and I can say I felt quite flattered. After our little conversation we went to see Looptroop Rockers, and all I can say; AMAZING. I was in the second row, dancing and having fun. Juuso was with us, and even it was muddy, it was so fun. Joonas was very kind and carried me over the worst mud, because I didn't have rubberboots. He was surprised :-D "WHAT, YOU LIVE HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOTHING AND OWN A HORSE AND YOU DON'T OWN RUBBERBOOTS?! Sweetie, I have to ask this; WHAT THE FUCK?" Then Juuso left to see his friends and I stayed there with Joonas, Panu and Olli and watched Asa&Jätkäjätkät. I had fun again, dancing and singing and talking with them. It was muddy again, but thank god I had my heroes! I really enjoyed watchin Looptroop Rockers and Asa, the music was brilliant, I had the best company, and then there was this one thing which we had been missing through the whole festivals; the sun. I felt so energetic when the sun started shining, I just closed my eyes, let the music go through my head and just let my body move. I enjoyed it so much, really. I loved it. I felt so... alive. Even Joonas put his thumbs up and smiled for me, when I opened my eyes. Oh my, next summer I'll go to more festivals, and more than just one day. That was really brilliant! And Joonas, oh my. He was very nice guy, he asked me to come Helsinki so we could meet up and have a little fun together and talk more and he could introduce me to his friends. I'm happy I met a guy like he. He was really like a big brother for me, and he didn't care about the fact I'm quite young.
In the evening I was spending time with some of my friends and hanging out with Juuso. I even saw a shooting star!
God, yesterday was a total succes.

So, that was my amazing, brilliant Jurassic Rock with awesome guys and good music. Had fun and hope I'll meet some of the guys next year also!

So, that was

Oh my, it feels like the autumn would be coming.
Autumn's got everything I love. Colours, cold wind and lovely sunsets. I love the way my feet and hands get cold and how I need to put my pullover on and how I have excuses to drink hot chocolate and wear my adorable black jacket. I love when I can by all those thick and warm clothes and crab a coffee from some nice café and go sit in the park. I love how I can order a steaming hot chocolate and go sit in the corner of the café and write some nice fanfiction/story. I love how the autumn makes me feel. I love how the evenings get darker and how the stars start to shine differently. I love the way autumn makes me study harder and buy new books. I love to go for a walk in the forrests with my dog and just walk without any hurry. I love to canter on the sand roads with my horse, when the sand is flying on the fallen leaves and making funny noise which makes my horse jump and buckle. I love how the autumn makes the routine in my days and gives some time for my friends who live far away. I love how autumn makes me smile with sunny, cool days and beautiful nature. I love when autumn makes me like Finland even just a little.

Okay, enough of that... Had a good day today. I spent one hour with my dear boyfriend, just chatting and making jokes. He has a game tomorrow and on thursday and I promised to go watch those games. Hope they'll win !
And I have drank 4 cups of hot chocolate today. Yes, it's only 14 degrees here and it makes me freezing, so I'm drinking hot chocolate. Should maybe change it to tea... :P
Oh yes, I have to tell you; my horse was today so brilliant, I really felt like I can ride, and last time I felt so was like three years ago, yay? : D She was so perfect, I really enjoyed riding today.
TODAY STARTS THE SECOND SEASON OF SKINS WITH TONY AND MAXXIE- PART WHICH MEANS I'M IN HEAVEN.

.... but I should probably bring the dog out before it's starts, and I have like 15 minutes and I'm still in my riding outfit. OOPS.

OH AND LISTEN TO THIS SONG, IT MAKES YOU FEEL GREAT; Kim Herold - Social Butterfly

So, I was for 4 days at camp, where I was as some kind of director.
The kids were between 10-14 and we some-kinda-directors were between 15 and 17, and I can tell you, the other directors not including "The Camel" were amazing.

First day I was supposed to be there at 11AM. I woke up 10:15 and I was supposed to pack my stuff and leave in time. It was quite hard but I made it. I knew all the other directors's names, but I would've never guessed they are all so funny, nice persons. I really like them, and I think I made some new friends also. One of the guys was really nice. He is nice, funny and told me he is happy he got the chance to know me, because even we were 7 years in the same school building, he never really noticed me. Now I'm really happy we are friends, because it's really funny between us. We are making jokes all the time and stuff. We spent a lot of time together at the camp, and it's easy to talk with him.
But the fact my friend who was with us at that camp started crying last night because I spent so much time with him and we seemed to like eachother was not that nice, but what can I do? Tell the guy "Oh I cannot spend time with you anymore, because my friend is yeallous because she has a crush on you"? Not.
And then one of my friend's friend who I have always known by name was a positive surprise. She was really very like me, we could talk a lot, we liked same kinda things and we really had fun. She is very lovely girl, really.

And now I'm sitting here, tired as hell because I didn't sleep the night before last night at all, and even I slept today like 7 hours it did not help. I could die because of tis tiredness.

So now I'm going to shower, and pick up my mp3-player and go sleeping. I really need some more sleep. :)

Oh god what I have been up to.

I was at my friends stable for one week and had quite fun. We went movies to see the Prince Caspian -movie, oh god I was drooling through the whole movie! Caspian and Peter were so goodlooking, oh my god. I just wanna have my own Prince Caspian!

But you know, today was like the craziest day ever. Really.

First, I woke up with my friend and went to shower. When I came out of our bathroom, my cousin, uncle and aunt from Germany were standing in our living room! You can believe how happy I was.
So, I went riding and it went quite well in the end. Came back and left so I could see my friends.
I went to the beach, my friends crabbed my hands and told me we're going to my other cousin's summer cottage! I was like okay, fine, let's go. It can't be that bad. And it totally was not  :---DDD My friends were drinking and smoking and I was sitting there and laughing at them and their stories.
I had fun and we went to sauna and swimming with guys. Oh god the water was so warm, I was so happy to swim again! <3 And the guys were just hilarious, I was all the time 'the sunshine' and 'the star' and they told me so crazy stories, it was almost sick. They have quite awesome personalities, and I was so happy to notice that one of the guys is really a good guy, even I have always thought he's a total bastard. Well, he  did try to pull my towel off a few times (and I was totally naked under it!)  but it was just for a laugh. And he didn't actually succes : D
And then I had to call my mum to pick me and my three friends up, because 'our driver' couldn't drive because he had taken too much beer. First we walked to a small road where my mum picked us up and in the car... It was quite a disaster. Two of my friends were totally drunk, trying to act like they would be sober... Well, you can believe what that was like. I tried not to laugh, but well, I bursted into a laugh and my mum  was trying not to laugh when my friends were talking absolutely bullshit.

So, we got back home and I'm sitting here and thinking about going to eat.
Sounds awesome.

And btw, McFLY's new songs are totally AWESOME. Adore them, especially Do ya and  Point of view. 
Adorable songs, adorable guys ♥

Hello ya all !

I bought new shoes today; red Converse! I'm so in love with those shoes. I never believed I would actually buy ones, but today I went to the shop, tried and thought a lot and bought them. MOST COMFORTABLE SHOES I HAVE EVER HAD, and you can believe I've had many shoes.
Okay, I don't actually know why I wanted to tell you I have bought new shoes, because well. It's not very interesting, is it?
But now I'm happy with my new shoes. And they tell money can't make you happy. Well, money itself doesn't make you happy, but it can help. A lot.
And I also bought new jeans and the whole trilogy of  "The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy". I have always wanted to buy that book and now I bought it. Yeah, my mum thinks I'm weirdo, because I love Back to the future, Artemis Fowl -books and all that so-called geeky stuff. Can't help it, but I think Back to the Future is the best movie ever. I don't actually know why, but I think it's awesome.

So, today I'm supposed to ride my horse and meet my friends. Yay n_n

Haha. My mum thinks I'm totally crazy.

Yesterday, she came in to our computer room where I was sitting and listening to music. She closed the door and started talking about how she is worried about me, 'cause I've been only shouting, snapping and crying last three weeks. She asked like ten million times what is wrong with me, and I always said "It's none of your business, leave me alone". Well, she kept asking and telling how worried she is about me and how she wants me to be okay. She was so worried, because I had been soooo depressed, down, sad and angry last week. RRRIGHT. Well, then came the best part of the whole speach; "I can get you some professional help, if you can't talk to me."  Well, I started crying because I was so  angry and I really wanted her to leave. She told me that I was too stubborn, because I can't ask for help.

Then yesterday she was whole day gone, and I was spending time with Hanna, and I was so happy with her. We had so much fun and she made me laugh so hard, I really understand why I had been so down for last two weeks. She makes me happy, because she knows how to speak with me and how to handle me and how to tease me right way.

And today, I got like four calls. First, my friend rings. " You gotta come here, ***** needs to speak with ya. He's in love with you, or at least having a very, very strong crush on you. He thinks you are the most amazing girl on the world and stuff. Tell me you like him too?" Well, I don't like him so I told my friend to fuck off and tell him I'm not going to visit them.
Second vall. That guy calls me, talks completely nosence and the whole call is very awkward and strange.
Next call. Jenni calls me. "Darling, I know you don't like him but what is the thing between you now?" Told her I don't like him and he likes me too much and I can never like him like he likes me and stuff. She promises me she'll talk with him.
Last call. The guy calls me like and hour or two later, and asks me what would I say, if he would say he liked me. I told him I like him only as friend and I can never think him like that and so. He said it's okay. I told him I'd still like to be friends with him, because I think he's very nice person - not just that kind I would date - and he thought it's cool and nice and better than nothing.
So I'm now quite relaxed (have only three guys to deal with anymore! :''DDD) and I think you can see it from me.

I started cleaning up in our computer room where I was sleeping (yes, at 02:30AM) and my mum was sitting in front of the computer. I was talking hell a lot and chatting and being sarcastic and stuff. It took a while until she asked me why I was suddenly so happy and stuff. Well, I told her that I made up with my friends and now it's okay. She asked me what happened with my friends, and I just told her "None of your business!" again.
Then she told me again she can get me professional help if I want.
WHAT THE HELL? : D
Really, I mean, all people have problems in their lives so why I can't have some?

So, tomorrow I'm gonna meet my friends, go to stables, clean up a bit here and talk with my dad about our trip to London. YAY <3

So, I decided I'm gonna do this, no matter what.

1. My name is Sophie, and I actually like my name.
2. I was borned on 9th September 1992.
3. I'm naturally blonde (and if you know me then you can really believe it : D)
4. I like rainbows.
5. My favourite song has been for like 1 and ½ year McFLY's Friday night. What ever comes, it's always my favourit song and I can always listen to it. It's perfect to all kind of situations; when I'm happy, sad, hyper, angry... It's always the right song.
6. My mother is German, so I'm half German.
7. My favourite band is McFLY, simply. I adore their music over anything.
8. I have a white, skinny and little bit psycho cat. He bites. And hard.
9. I like watching romantic, funny movies, full of clichés.
10. I drink hot chocolate every day.
11. I have a pretty strange family. We're not normal, can tell ya.
12. I don't like sleeping. Sometimes it's okay, but most of the time I hate it.
13. I see very weird dreams, which always feel very real.
14. I like travelling.
15. I'm always eager to meet new people.
16. I like reading big and thick books. There's no idea to reed the thin ones !
17. I like going to school.
18. I have great and not-so-great friends, but I really do love them all.
19. My  favourite colour is all of them. I wear all the colours, it depends of the clothe.
20. I don't usually like women singing, but Hayley Williams is an exception.
21. I'm bisexual.
22. I don't like racistis.
23. I have big problems with my granny, because she thinks I'm crazy because I dream of moving abroads.
24. I own a friesian horse.
25. I never listened to music when I was a kid. I started listening to music when I was on 6th grade (12 years old).
26. I hate spring.
27. I'm quite sensitive person.
28. I like talking, so I'm talking a lot.
29. I'm quite good writer.
30. I like writing, but I never have any inspirations, so that makes me a bad writer.
31. I'm scared of wasps, fire and murderers.
32. I have watched CSI -series since I was 11.
33. My favourite programms are Gossip girl and Skins. Skins is too amazing.
34. I laugh a lot.
35. I have this some kind of addiction to gays and slash. I can't help it, but I think boylove is the sweetest thing in the world. Yes, over everything.
36. I have only dated girls, but I have always my crushs on boys.
37. I like wearing big hoodies.
38. I think working in garden is really nice.
39. I would love to be a boy.
40. I hate Titanic -movie. It's sweet thought, but I just don't like it.
41. I think sunflowers are prettiest flowers in the world.
42. I had a crush on Sirius Black when I was 13.
43. I like to wear boxers.
44. I like hiphop, but not over indie/poppunk.
45. I'm not very pacient person, even I look and act like one. I am not. I just turn all the anger inside me.
46. I think icehockey is a waste of time.
47. I have never been so much into sports.
48. I like riding and running.
49. I don't appreciate my parents that much.
50. I don't like people, who think they're better than everyone else and act so. Okay, who does like people like them?
51. I don't like it, when someone tells me what to do and how to do. I wanna do things on my own way.
52. I spend a lot of my time in front of a computer.
53. I really wanna move to England when I'm older.
54. I think my older littlebrother is only an arsehole who is so full of himself he can't think anything else than himself.
55. I don't like people pretending.
56. I think people shouldn't try so hard.
57. I visited England last december and fell in love with it.
58. I have never been really in love with someone.
59. When I have nothing else to do, I sit in front of the computer and read slash.
60. I'm the worst cook you can find. I can never really do anything without burning something or doing something wrong.
61. I don't like Rihanna.
62. My first fanfiction was about Marauders (Harry Potter).
63. I like watching Top Gear and other car programs.
64. When I was little, I dreamed about being a vet and a formuladriver.
65. I like watching F1 -races. Too awesome.
66. I like boys with a little bit challenge.
67. My favourit actor is Hugh Grant. I think he does great movies.
68. My favourit singers are Tom Fletcher, Danny Jones and Billie Joel.
69. I can't stand slugs.
70. I don't think Brad Pitt is hot.
71. I don't wanna have my own kids. I could adopt one ore two.
72. I like movies like Harry Potter, Love Actually, The Holida and Back to the Future.
73. I love Disney -movies and -cartoons.
74. My favourite Disney -princess is Belle from Beauty and the Beast.
75. ... But my favourite Disney -movies are Aladdin, The Little Mermaid and Mulan.
76. I think the older Disney -movies are better than the new ones.
77. My lucky number is 13.
78. I find some fictive persons very attractive (like Aladdin, Sirius Black, Edward Cullen and James Potter).
79. My favourite books are Harry Potter -series and Twilight -series.
80. I hate Jacob from Twilight.
81. I can deal with many kind of persons.
82. When I'm all alone, I like listening to hiphop and r'n'b and dancing.
83. I hate it when people don't have their own view of things.
84. I love being hugged.
85. I love Sherlock Holmes.
86. I don't like zoo's.
87. When I'm sad, I read phrida_91 's Walk in the sun.
88. I think wolves and horses are the most beautiful animals on the world.
89. My favourite place is King's Cross Railwaystation. I was there last time I visited London, and I loved it. All the people with their own stories, beautiful architecture... It felt very nice to just sit there and watch the people.
90. I love water. It's very important to me somehow.
91. I have never swimmed in the sea.
92. I have a scar on my left shoulder, because I fell down from the bed when I was 9.
93. I have big feet and long legs.
94. When I'm all alone, I sing a lot.
95. I have large hands.
96. I have freckles on my nose.
97. My eyes are green, having a little bit yellow in them.
98. I wear reading-glasses.
99. I don't understand people who like fighting.
100. I would love to act in a tv-serie or a movie.

I can say that I had a good day today.

Okay, at least better than yesterday or the day before.

I woke up in the morning, did my make-up (I haven't done it like in four days, which has to be somekind of record after last summer; and I'm not doing it because I think I'm ugly without, I just like to do it) and watched The Road Trip (oh how I love that movie!) and slept again like two hours or something. After that I made some breakfast (eggs and toast, like the only food I can make) and watched Los Serranos. It's an spanish programm, I totally adore it.
And after all that stuff I went to stables, which was not that fun as I expected but it was okay. My horse was lovely and I love all the people at the stables. They are always so nice and polite and laughful and joking. We have a great team there.
In the evening I watched some TV and after Cashmeremafia and The Wimbledon -movie (OH MY GOD HAMMOND WAS ADORABLE♥) I went out for a walk/run. Runned/walked over 6 kilometers! Never felt this relaxed and good. It also remembered me how bad shape I'm in, so I think I'm starting running again. I like it so much, it makes me feel free and forget all of my worries and problems. Even something can do that... And it felt so like summer! I swear, now we have summer here. It was so beautiful, there was mist on the small fields around the village and the sun was going down and it was silent and it smelled so good, I hope they would have a perfume which would have that scent of summer.

And now I'm just sitting here and thinking about going to bed. I have to wake up at 9 tomorrow, gotta take a shower and after that I'm going to my dad's aunt to work in the garden a bit. Gonna see my cousin, yay <3 He's so funny and nice guy, we're going together to Stockholm this summer to visit his mum (my aunt). Promised to show me some places and make me meet some new people!
In the afternoon I'm gonna visit Hanna. Oh god how I have missed her in last two weeks. She's so awesome, and we're in the same class for next three years. I got her back in to my life last winter and I'm not letting go! My dear girl, I'm happy to have a friend like she is.

So tomorrow's gonna be a good day. (AND I'M NOT GONNA SEE MY MUM AT ALL - LIKE THE BEST THING IN THE WHOLE DAY)
Yay n_n <3

OH MY MCFLY !

Now I'm so confused and happy and hyper, I haven't been like this for ages ! I saw 'One for the Radio' -music video just like three minutes ago and I'm SO HYPER, oh god.
Most amazing video in ages;

1) The start is 'copied' from Back To The Future, which is the most amazing movie everrrrr. I was hoping they would do something like that, and now they did!

2) Microphones. SO. AWESOME. I have always liked that kind of mics and with the OFTR logo it's just perfect.

3) Tom's hair. He looks so much younger and a little bit like a duck, but he's so cute I could eat him! I like that kinda hairs.

4) Danny smiling at 2:51. OH GOD I ALMOST FAINTED FOR THAT! He's so adorable and happy looking, I really almost fainted. I squeaked very loudly and felt dizzy. God Jones, whatcha doing to meh?

5) Micsharing. I HAVE BEEN MISSING MICSHARING BETWEEN TOM AND DANNY AND NOW IT'S BACK <3 My slasher is coming up again. Last few days I've been reading fanfiction hell a lot and I'm so happy, you cannot believe it. My boys are back <3

6) Cute Dougie. So awesome. He's so cute, doesn't have a ginger beard and doesn't look like a psycho ! I'm happy to have Dougs back with his adorable surf hair.

7) Harry. YOUNG, BOYISH LOOKING HARRY IS BACK <3 and his hair too.

8) Sound. 'One for the Radio' sounds so amazing, I could just kill myself for it. Okay no I couldn't, but you know. I adore that new, amazing hot and rebellious sound.

So, now I leave you shaking your heads and thinking how crazy and idiotic I am. Can't help it, they're too amazing and I'm head-over-heels in love with their music.

I feel so angry now, I really don't even remember when was the last time I was this full of pure, deep anger.

Really, I'm so pissed off I don't know if it's even possible. My mum (god, I wonder how I can call her mum anymore) has been a total bitch for last few weeks and it's only getting worse. Now she's trying to separate me from my friends here, with no reason. My friends are okay, and she doesn't know even one of them. I really hate when she's doing something like that. She is complaining about everything I do and blaming me about things I don't even have a clue. She acts like a fucking teenager, and I really hate it. She's supposed to be my mother for god's sake ! Just the fact she has a friend here living with us cannot make her to forget the fact that she's 48years old and a MOTHER. Her friend has been living in MY room for over three weeks and then she dares to complain about my friends and my personality! She doesn't talk to me, she's only shouting and critisizing me very roughly and then she goes to her friend and tells her how awful, terrible  daughter she has and how I'm hurting our family and my friends.
I fuckin' hate this and I really want my mum's friend to go away. She's nice person, but she doesn't understand me at all.

I also have problems with my friends, because I really feel like I'm getting too close for one of them (not like I would ever have a crush on her, it's not like that) and I want to get rid of her. I actually don't wanna see her ever again, but she thinks were like the best friends in the world so I'm quite distressed about this.
Then, this another thing. Yesterday I heard that one guy, who I have known for few weeks, has a crush on me, and surprise surprise; I don't feel anything like that. I thought he was a good friend and like a big brother for me, but no. FOR FUCK'S SAKE I CANNOT BE THAT IRRESISTIBLE! I feel so angry about this. I really do, 1) because I have a crush on someone else, who is so attractive I have met only one other person in my life who is that attractive 2) I could never ever think about him like that 3) he is/was my very good friend. I HATE THIS SO MUCH. Plus he's so not my type. 

Thank god in July I'm at Ylöjärvi for 9-10 days, 4 days at kid's camp as some kind of instructor, 5 days canoeing with 26 other people and maybe for a week I go to Sweden to visit my aunt with my cousin. I know I can't stay at home, because I will loose my mind with my parents and brothers.

Whoah, now I'm little bit more relaxed. I maybe should go to bed. I should've met some of my friends, but I won't because I'm tired and my mum will be angry. Even though I would meet my crush and other lovely people... No. I think I'll just get a glass of cold hot chocolate, write, listen to McFLY and self-pity myself.

Sounds awesome.

Okay, I'm just so hyper now, I'm not sure if I'm really okay.

I was at Provinssirock and I saw Paramore live (and my friend brought me their autographs because she got into meet&greet!). THEY WERE SO BLOODY AMAZING ISWURWHFNKLSUTHGSMFKASJDÅÄAE JUST WOOOAH! But I have to say, not better than McFLY, they're soooo speacial. Paramore was just crazy, Hayley was so pretty and laughful and lovely and everything and Josh OH MY FUCKING GOD HOW SOMEONE CAN BE THAT GOODLOOKING?! I was drooling at him and oh my god it was just so amazing!

And a few minutes ago I pre-ordered McFLY's new album and now I'm listening 'One for the radio' all the time and I'm almost crying and oh my god what a teenie-fan I am now! Okay, I'm teenie-slasher now. I can't wait to hear 'Do you now?', really, seaxually explicit song written by Dougie Poynter and Harry Judd?! I'm excited. More excited than I have ever been in my life.

And now I should go and do something with my horse. Intrested? Not.

Okay, good evening or what ever it is right now. I have no idea.
And I'm warning you; in this text wil be so many mistakes you can barely believe it. Yeah, I'm not really concentrating on spelling and that kinda stuff.

I have cried in last few days so much, I can hardly believe it myself. I'm blaming hormones, for fuck's sake why I'm so irresponsible. Well, whatever. I saw my dad's aunt's husband today. He's been like grandpa for me for my whole life, while my dad's dad is dead and my mother's father is in mental hospital. He is so important to me, and now he is sic. His muscles are withering and he can barely walk anymore. It was really heartbreaking to see him like that.
My mum told me I should spare my winered dress with black spots, because we'll propably have funeral in the end of summer. I really hope I'll have someone who will come with me there. I don't want to be there with my family, because they won't hug me or tell me it will be okay. They won't. They have always been cold and absolutely non-family for me. I need someone there to hold me and tell me everything will be okay, and I really hope I'll have someone there.
Thank god I have waterproof mascara on my eyelashes now.

And it really isn't helping, that one guy who I have known for few years told me that he's been thinking only me for about three weeks, and I really don't care about him that much. And it's not helping that my one-night-stand is interested about my stuff and how I'm doing. And it isn't helping that my mate is not answering his phone and my messages and I MISS HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, and it really isn't helping that I'm interested on a guy who I really barely know.
Oh god, I think I'm leaving the guys on back and getting back to my mates. I really had no problems with guys when I spent more time with my McFLY-meeting-friends! I really didn't have crushs, one night stands, or anything else, I thought only about my friends and they were and are the most important thing in my world. I DON'T DESERVE THIS !

I think I maybe should go and buy some candies, sit on my sofa and watch The Holiday and Love Actually and some nice animemovie I bought on monday.

Yeah, I'll do that.